remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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