I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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