Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
