Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
