i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
as a side note pls kill me
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
