the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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