My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
