all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
