"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
