return my video game
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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