Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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