so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
