I wanna bring you to show and tell
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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