did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
