genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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