Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
