I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
