You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
