after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
