More tranny stories later!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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