So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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