while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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