This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
