I bet he comes in French.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
