I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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