How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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