Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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