did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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