There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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