remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
