Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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