you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
