this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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