hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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