she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
