if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
