I heard we made out
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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