pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
