I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
