Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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