Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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