I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
