you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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