it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I believe in your delicious
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
