I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
