$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
