you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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