this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
