You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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