meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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