we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
