Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
