Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
