I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
