Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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