I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize