how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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