Well apparently he's into motor boating.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
