Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
