OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
