to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
