I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
