Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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