Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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