absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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