I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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