conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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