Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
