You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
