Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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