Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
