I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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