I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize